It has become so easy to appear cheerful on the surface. To smile and respond with a 'fine' when asked. Not everyone wants to know whether you are fine or not, neither do they care. Its just a formality and so I put on a big smile and say 'fine'.
It is during those quiet moments, in bed, completely shut out from the world that the soul feels safe to come out. No need to pretend here. It starts as an itch at first, then a sting swiftly followed by a tear and before you know it racking sobs escape. Why? I don't know. Maybe I do but don't want to think about it. My head turn to a dance hall with a master DJ. David Guetta has nothing on this guy. The crowd is going ballistic with euphoria and the DJ cranks up the volume emanating a shout from the crowd. Hard punching beats so loud I lose consciousness.
I wake up the following morning and try to access the level of damage in the mirror. Only slightly puffy eyes, nothing makeup can't hide. Good. After a pep talk and a smile, I head out feeling 'brave' again. I smile to the neighbour in the elevator and its game on! I whip out my gold-tinted sunglasses feeling fly, jump into my ride say a quick prayer then zoom off with music blasting from the stereo. I feel the sun on my face and in that instant there's genuine joy, I feel connected to something powerful, something good, something...PURE. A tear threatens to escape but I shake it off. It's a beautiful day.
A few minutes later I'm behind an endless line of cars moving a quarter of an inch every minute. Well, there's no use being grumpy about traffic, I best settle in and besides, nothing feels better than a good jam in the morning. I don't know what the rest of the day will bring but for now I am just going to enjoy being alive, fresh air, the rays of warm sun on my face and nature. Sigh.